I do not even come close to understanding many things about the faith I hold - and never will.
There are parts of the bible that seem absurd, others that appear to be unjust or plain vindictive, there are sections that appear to be, or simply are, contradictory and I could go on. There is teaching that, on this journey of faith, has taken on new meaning, or lost some of its old meaning.
There are teachings we seem to hold dear to and others we appear to be happy letting go of and then there is us, ourselves..... full of logic and irrationalism, living side by side. Undoubted passion and zeal for Jesus, alongside an apparent willingness to ignore Him and follow other 'passions' when it suits us.... This is our journey, this is our pilgrimage.
So what keeps me going? What helps me deal with the fact that I can't deal with the facts? What propels me to continue to seek, continue to limp along a path that contains so many steeps hills and almost unbearable drops? What helps me deal with the fact of me, full of love but unreliable in relationship, wanting to fly on eagles wings but more often than not hobbling along at snails pace.....
What keeps me going is the sure and unshakeable knowledge that there is a God, THE God, the creator, my creator, in whom alone rests both total power and absolute love.
I don't know how it is possible for those two things to sit side by side...but I thank Him that they do and that He is utterly trustworthy. There is a God who really does care for us as individuals, even when that seems not to be the case, a God who is able, in all circumstances to break through with love, because He possesses the power to do so....and He does it time & time again.
What keeps me going is the experience that God has not remained an academic exercise, is not merely an item of interest or study, but has made himself known through relationship, as Jesus.
Jesus only Jesus, the reason for the journey, the enabler along the way, life's destination, friend, saviour, healer, guide, light and life.
One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard:
‘Power belongs to you, God,
and with you, Lord, is unfailing love’’
(Psalm 62:11, 12 NIV)